


Ravensong

by InkwellRaven



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-01-23 17:03:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21323641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InkwellRaven/pseuds/InkwellRaven
Summary: The Titans lost Raven almost a year ago to a sacrifice that saved countless lives. When she returns, or at least a haunted version of her, it will change everything for the Titans. Chasing Raven is someone very familiar to them all, and yet someone they know nothing about. But her presence, and everything that comes with it will challenge everything they knew about both Raven and Robin and will lead to a battle that they may or may not survive.
Relationships: Dick Grayson/Raven
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The alley echoed with the sounds of fighting and the steady trickling of water falling from broken gutters. Rain pelted down mercilessly upon the combatants as they battled. Water dripped down both of their masks and into their eyes, making focus difficult. Unfortunately for Robin, his opponent was coping with it better than he was himself. Robin blinked rapidly in an attempt to see through the constant stream of water running into his eyes.

Robin landed on the cracked pavement with a grunt, sliding into a murky puddle. His back slammed against a dumpster, knocking the wind from him. He cursed himself as he rose, cradling his bruised ribs and desperately trying to bring any air at all into his lungs. He crouched into a defensive stance and met his opponent. The masked man's face twisted up into a vengeful smile as he noticed the obvious pain that Robin was in. Robin was furious. A fight with a no name, low life criminal should not have been this hard.

The masked assailant ran towards him, showering down blow after blow on Robin's already battered body. Robin panted with the effort of trying to block all of those fierce attacks, unable to find an opening to go on the offensive.

Robin found himself tossed to the end of the alley, crashing into the brick wall that made the alley a dead end, before he had even realized that he had failed to block a blow from the criminal. He pushed himself up, locking his elbows for stability and squinted through the rain to face his opponent as he slowly approached. Robin suddenly wished that he hadn't sent the other Titans out to locate the detonators the masked villain had claimed to have set up around the city. It was times like this that he wished Raven were here.

"What's the matter Boy Wonder?" the criminal taunted as he stood over him. "I had heard that the Titans weren't the same anymore, but I didn't think you would be quite this pathetic."

He crouched before Robin and sneered. "You lose one little blackbird and suddenly you're nothing."

Robin flinched at the words. It had been nearly a year since the Titans had lost Raven. A villain that the Teen Titans had never seen coming or heard of before had proven himself the most powerful they'd ever faced. And he stole her away from them.

"I've seen her statue," the man continued as he leaned over Robin, "the one they put up in the park. The dedication is a little wordy, though. All that flowery speech about how she sacrificed herself to save us all. How she took the only chance to save countless innocents from a gruesome death. How the "Noctis" would still be wreaking havoc and destruction without what she did. Seems a bit dramatic, don't you think?"

"You wouldn't be here to say that had she not done what she did!" Robin spat. "He could have destroyed us all."

"But he didn't did he? And all it took was one little blackbird. Too bad it wasn't you, though, eh? She was nicer to look at. Better than nice, yeah? Wish she'd been clever enough to find another way besides killing herself. I'm sure I'd far rather have her under me right now than you."

Robin grabbed a birdarang from his belt and threw it at the man with rage on his face. But the man was too fast and Robin too injured to throw it effectively. He dodged it just in time and struck Robin across the face for good measure.

The masked assailant scoffed and stood up, towering over Robin, sword in hand. For the first time in his life, Robin lacked the strength to defend himself. He reached for his belt in a desperate attempt to find another weapon that would buy him some time. His opponent was ready for that. With one smooth motion he sliced through Robin's belt and flung it to the side. Staring up at the masked face of the criminal Robin began to doubt whether he would be would make it through this battle. He began to wonder whether or not he cared.

Raising his blade, the criminal prepared to deliver his final, fatal blow when suddenly the weapon was wrenched from his hands. He turned to face who had disarmed him but found no one there, just whisps of shadow dispersing in the wind.

_It can't be_, Robin thought, leaning against the wall behind him for support and wiping water from his eyes. _It's impossible._

The man's blade clattered on the pavement at the opposite end of the alley and the black aura that had surrounded it faded away.

Robin and his assailant looked all around and saw no one else in the alley with them. Hearing a noise above him he looked up and saw it; a figure standing on the roof of the building to his left.

The figure leaped down and landed crouched before him, facing down the masked man who was slowly backing up, quickly trying to buy time to assess the new situation. Robin's rescuer never gave him that luxury.

The combat that followed was dizzying to watch, the mysterious rescuer having the advantage of catching the villain by surprise. Robin's rescuer had far from flawless technique, but possessed a grace and reaction speed that impressed even Robin. Blows that should have landed left the villain stumbling as his target dodged them and well aimed shots that should have been crippling barely glanced off his opponent.

Robin scrambled across the alley and reached for his belt, anxious to help to defeat the villain, but it felt impossibly heavy. With his bruised ribs he was barely able to lift the belt, burdened with gadgets that tonight had proven of no use to him. Dropping it, he threw himself into the battle, picking up the discarded birdarang on the way. He couldn't just sit by while someone fought for him. He had to do something, even if it _was_ bringing a knife to a sword fight.

It didn't take much longer for the villain to succumb to his weariness at trying to catch such an allusive adversary. The two of them subdued the masked man and left him bound on the wet pavement. Robin normally would have called the police to pick him up by now, but his full attention fell to the person standing before him.

His heart felt constricted and the difficulty in breathing no longer came from his injuries alone. All the pain of the recent past came flooding back in an icy wave.

"Raven?" he choked out, unwilling to believe it, but yet hoping with all of his heart that it was true. His mind became clouded with too many thoughts all at once. Almost a year . . . her sacrifice . . . it couldn't be her . . . but there she was.

The figure turned to face him, cloak billowing out from the movement shedding water droplets in a glittering arc in their wake, and Robin forgot how to breathe entirely.

He could only see a delicate chin and dark lips, the rest of the face shrouded in shadows, but the lights from the buildings around them glinted off of vibrant violet eyes peering out from the blackness within the black cloak's hood; eyes that appeared to be brimming with tears and wide with fear.

Without a word the Raven-figure leaped into to air and landed on the building that she had come from leaving Robin on the ground gaping and full of questions. He grabbed his grappling hook from his belt and swung onto the roof in pursuit, wincing at the sharp twinging in his side. He had to have answers. He stood with his cape whipping in the wind, trying to judge where she had gone to. He scanned the rooftops and saw no trace of her or where she could have gone. He ran along building edges, leaping from rooftop to rooftop but to no avail. Finally he leaned over, clutching his ribs and giving in to the screaming pain that demanded he stop running. Looking around he could find no sign of the Raven-figure.

She had vanished.

The hurt he carried that had finally subsided to a dull ache after a year suddenly became a sharp, stabbing pain once more. He thought for the briefest instant that he might have had Raven back . . . did he simply imagine her? Why wouldn't she have spoken if it truly had been her? He put a thumb and middle finger of one hand against his temples as if trying to physically grab hold of and organize his thoughts.

_I'm no good to the team if I'm hallucinating_, he thought, remembering the time that Slade had gotten into his head. _I have to get some answers. I have to know._

Robin dropped back to the alley and stalked toward the bound criminal. He grabbed the masked man by his shirtfront and lifted him forcibly so they were face to face, gritting his teeth through the pain tearing through his side.

"Did you see her?" he demanded, intent on getting answers.

"Who?" the man spat, squirming against his bonds, "your precious savior? I would have killed you tonight, boy, had it not been for her."

Robin shook the man in frustration.

"What did she look like?!" He had to know that he wasn't crazy. He had to know that this man had seen what he thought he, himself, had seen.

"The hell, man? You fucking saw her. Crazy bitch dressed like your precious blackbird. Wonder if she looks as good under the cloak as the real thing did."

Robin pulled his fist back to punch the lewd smile off the man's face, but a hand upon his wrist stopped him. He turned to see who could have sneaked up on him from behind, since the alley wall was to his back, and he gasped when he saw who it was. He dropped the villain unceremoniously and turned to face the last person in the world that he expected to see.

O • O • O • O

"Step into the light," Robin demanded, not ready to believe what his eyes clearly saw before him.

There could be no doubt as to who this woman was, though, as the figure stepped out of the shadows, the dim light softly illuminating the blond hair that hid half of her face. He knew who she was, he was just trying to figure out just how it was possible. It seemed to be a reoccurring theme tonight.

"Hey, Robin. Surprised to see me?"

Robin could only stand, staring, as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and glanced up at him nervously through her lashes.

"How?" Robin began as he finally found his voice. "Is . . . How can this be? Terra?"

She nodded, nervously brushing her hair out of her face once more as it kept slipping from behind her ear. She bit her lip and shuffled her feet, looking like she wanted to say something but was, at the same time, afraid to do so. She looked helplessly at Robin as if needing him to start the dialog between them before she could speak.

"But . . . how?" Robin sputtered, trying to tie together the fragmented thoughts running through his head. "First I see Raven, and now you . . . what's going on here?" The initial shock wearing off, Robin was only interested in getting straight answers. If there was anything that he hated more than losing it was not knowing what he was getting into.

Terra looked at him with sorrow in her eyes. She opened her mouth as if to speak, but simply closed her eyes and drew a deep breath instead. Robin grabbed her by the shoulders when she didn't answer. He felt some comfort in feeling her solid and real beneath his hands, but then again he'd felt Slade when he had tormented his mind. He couldn't rule out going crazy yet.

His grip tightened on her shoulders as dark and conflicting thoughts crowded his head. Terra hadn't moved a muscle. The Terra that he remembered would have been angry; would have fought back or demanded that he release her. The Terra that he had in his grip only grew sad as she opened her eyes once more and looked into his masked ones, her posture non-threatening and her muscles relaxed. She placed a hand upon his elbow, her eyes reflecting a wisdom beyond her years. Robin released her in surprise and took a step back, nearly tripping over the bound villain that he had ungraciously dropped earlier. His curses and shouts of protest went unnoticed as Robin received a call on the Titans' communicator.

"Yo, Robin," came Cyborg's voice over the communicator. "The detonators were real, man. We retrieved and destroyed them all, though, so you were right to take the threat seriously. You find our guy?"

"Yeah, I got him," Robin replied, his eyes not leaving Terra's.

"Have them come and get him, Robin," Terra said, gently but with authority. "You must come with me. We have much to discuss. Alone."

"They're my team, Terra. They were almost yours. Why can't they know about you?"

"For the same reason they can't know about Raven yet."

"Then it was her?!" he exclaimed, raising to his full height in excitement and wincing when his injured ribs protested. "It was Raven that came to help me."

"Come with me Robin. Tell the others to pick up this guy and I will explain all to you."

"What's this all about? How is it that you two are here all of a sudden? Why-"

Terra held up a hand to silence him, but seemed more than a little surprised when he actually silenced. "I'll explain everything to you, but the others can't know yet. This has to do with you directly. What I have to tell you is not something that you should have to face in front of others. Let them take care of the criminal. He's bound. He's not going anywhere. Leave your communicator and come with me."

Robin stared hard at her for awhile before making a move.

"Robin? Hey Robin?! You there, man?"

Cyborg's voice sounded anxious over the communicator as he tried to get a response. Robin continued to keep his eyes locked on Terra as he lifted the communicator to his lips and replied.

"I'm going to need you to come and retrieve this guy," he replied, making a reckless decision in his desperation for more information.

"Sure man," Cyborg replied, hearing the severity of Robin's voice. "What's going on? You need any backup?"

"No. Something's come up. Don't try to follow. Robin out."

With that he sent coordinates and left his communicator, ignoring his friend's questions over the static. He wasn't entirely sure that he trusted Terra yet, but he had to know what was going on. He had to know why Terra wasn't frozen in stone any longer and why Raven had returned after her death almost a year ago. In his experience resurrection was usually not a blessing and more often than not the cause of something nefarious.

His mind was reeling with questions that he forced himself to hold back. He knew that he wouldn't get any answers out of her until her conditions were met. Robin turned to face Terra.

"I'm ready."

O • O • O • O

It had been almost a year since he had even been able to come anywhere near this place, and now here he was, standing in the very spot where his team was broken; The place where the lives of the Titans were changed forever . . . the place where his own world had shattered.

Raven's blood still stained the ground beneath his feet. The silver light from the tiny crescent of the moon in the sky glinted off the coppery red upon the cement that had refused the strength of any scrubbing done to remove it. He had tried. He closed his eyes and turned his head away from what he had begun to think of as the haunted remnant of Raven.

He remembered this building well. Upon Slade's return to give the prophecy of Raven's future on her birthday, he had taken Raven to this building. Slade had hurled her from it. Robin had managed to save her that time . . . the next time he wasn't so fortunate. That night still haunted him in both his waking hours and in his nightmares.

"Why did you bring me here?" he whispered as Terra paced behind him, trying to figure out where to start her tale. He didn't look at her, she was too close to the bloodstains. He looked over the cityscape instead.

"We needed to be where no one could interrupt us," she said absentmindedly, still nervously chewing on her lip.

"But why did you bring me _here_?" Robin choked on his words as he fought back tears and anger.

Terra finally stopped pacing as she realized what he meant, looking down at the copper ghost beneath her. She walked to his side and stood looking over the sleepy city with him.

"Because you would never have come here on your own . . . so _he_ won't either."

"Who?" Robin asked, turning to face her.

She took him by the hand and led him down the sloping roof until they reached the edge.

"Sit down, Robin. The story I have to tell is not one that you should hear standing up."

Robin sat on the edge with his elbows resting on his knees while Terra crouched down beside him. She sighed heavily and continued to avoid his gaze as she took a few deep breaths before diving into a story that she hoped she had the strength to tell.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **A/N: Bear with me. The rest is worth wading through the backstory. ;) **

**Chapter 2**

"I don't exactly know where to start . .. I've never had to tell this story before . . ." Terra sighed again before she continued. Robin turned his gaze to the city.

"The Raven that you saw-"

"It _was_ her?" he asked again, turning to look at her. "It was really her? Raven?"

"It was Raven, just as you remember her except that over the last year she's had to endure more than is fair to ask of anyone.

"We're not from here, this world as you know it. We come from – and I know this is going to sound crazy – a parallel world, one where our history, as far as we've researched, runs completely aligned to yours up until around a year ago. We've had the same experiences, fought the same villains as you have, had the same friends, allies, betrayals . . . I was also encased in stone as I tried to defeat Slade to make up for my betrayal of the Titans. The only difference between our worlds is that Raven sacrificed herself to save the everyone in your world . . ." She closed her eyes tightly and shook her head, as if trying to disperse memories that she wished she didn't have. ". . . and she was prevented from doing so in ours. I wasn't awakened until after our worlds diverged, but I'll do my best to tell the events as they were related to me.

"Our Titans, too, had to fight Noctis as he grew in power. Our Titans, too, realized that the blood ritual sacrifices that he did to renew and strengthen his power were his only times of weakness, and that each ritual would cost more lives. The more lives sacrificed, the more power he gained until he spent it. Our Titans, too, knew that his next blood ritual was being set up to be his biggest yet and while he had that power he would be beyond their ability to fight until he used it up. Our Titans, too, thought they knew how much power would be needed to destroy him. And our Titans, too, were caught by surprise when Noctis sent more powerful minions than he had _ever_ had before to distract them knowing that the Titans couldn't leave those demons to destroy innocent lives and that they'd have to divide their attention. And our Raven, too, understood that her _full_ power, everything she had, could tip the scales and defeat Noctis for good.

"But while you understood the necessity of her solution, _our_ Robin did not. He was convinced that there had to be another way. He refused to lose her and refused to heed her."

She looked over at Robin for the first time, trying to guess at his reaction but he sat stoic, his face unchanging, as he looked at the horizon. The only sign that any of this had effected him emotionally was the fact that his hands had started to tremble so he had gripped them together in the hopes to still them.

"When the Titans set out to destroy the minions of Noctis," Terra continued, hoping Robin hadn't noticed that she had seen his trembling, "Raven managed to lure hers to where Noctis, himself, was gathering his power from the blood of his victims, just as your Raven did. You arrived in time for the last part of the blood ritual and saw Raven preparing to give all she had to destroy him in his vulnerability. You understood her mission and when she explained and said her goodbye you allowed her to do what she had to. You listened to her. You put the lives of so many above yourself, as she was doing. Our Robin couldn't bring himself to let it happen.

"He tackled her, breaking her concentration and allowing Noctis to complete the ritual. He was restored in greater power and the Titans could do nothing to stop him. Raven never quite forgave our Robin for that . . ."

Terra looked at him once more and leaned forward this time to look at his face and she saw the anguish there.

"You did the right thing, Robin," Terra whispered, laying a hand upon his shoulder. "Her sacrifice was necessary. You'll come to understand why. She saved the world with what she did. Don't dwell on 'could we have found another way?' Trust me, it's best the way it ended in your world."

"I didn't even try to save her," Robin whispered, lost in melancholy thoughts. "She told me what she had to do. She begged me to understand and to let her go. And I just . . . did."

"But you _wanted_ to save her. You thought about it. But more importantly you understood that she was willingly giving her life in exchange for billions. You did what she wanted, what she _asked_ you to do. Believe me, I can say that from experience that she knew what she was doing."

Both remained silent for some time. Robin couldn't sort the thoughts that were running through his head and Terra was allowing him all the time that he needed. This wasn't an easy story for her to tell; It couldn't be an easy story to hear. To see unfold before you the horrifying actuality of your most consuming "what if."

"What happened after the ritual was completed?" Robin asked, no longer sure if he wanted to know any more. "After Raven was saved?"

Terra paused, trying to gauge his readiness before continuing.

"Everyone understood why Robin did what he did, but they all wondered if they would have done the same. They were all so grateful to have Raven still with them, have no doubt about that, but at the same time they saw the logic of her reasoning and they wondered. They saw all the death that continued to come in the wake of Noctis and they wondered if it could have all been prevented. It's a strange thing to, in a way, wish your friend was dead. I can only imagine how much stranger to wish it of yourself. As I said earlier, Raven was furious. The world could have been spared the destruction from Noctis, but now she had to live with what she saw as her personal failure.

"Noctis' first move with his huge intake of power after Raven's prevented sacrifice was to shield the planet. The Justice League was meeting in the planet's orbit trying to formulate a plan to intervene once they saw how serious of a threat he had become and Noctis simply prevented them from interfering at all. The last communication anyone had with them there was still no solution. Then there was silence.

"The Titans recruited the help of Titans East and as many others they could find to help them fight, but it just wasn't enough. They lost battle after battle and people fled the city and soon the surrounding area to escape Noctis. And his power was unbelievable and his destructive circle was spreading wider and wider. And more and more people suffered and died.

"Then Raven had an idea. She managed to contact the surviving Priests and Priestesses from the Temple of Azarath. She beseeched them for their help, knowing they had it within their power to be a tipping point in the fight against Noctis. They refused, claiming neutrality and pacifism, as was their way, and the fact that they were rebuilding their world and had so little left of their people. But Raven was a daughter of Azarath and they saw the sacrifice she had been willing to make; saw the potential within her to do such good. Good that they never foresaw her being able to do. They saw her dedication to the plight of the earth and agreed to scry for her and reveal to her the one person that had the power to help her, although they told her the path would be treacherous.

"She agreed, since she had already proven herself willing to do whatever was necessary in the sacrifice she had been ready to make. So the High Priestess scryed for her and revealed the name of the only one who had the power to turn the tide and the only one left that might be able and willing to help them: Slade.

"They offered to resurrect him, still with the powers given to him by Raven's father, Trigon. They told her that Slade would agree to help them in exchange for another chance at life. He would be life-debted to her. It was still a risk, he could still have betrayed everyone after his life debt was paid, but he had the power to help them and Noctis would be a threat to him too. They told her that to go down this path would require of her the greatest sacrifice. It was her choice to make.

"Raven approached the Titans with the idea, already deciding in her mind that this was the right course of action. Robin was enraged. He wouldn't accept the help of his nemesis and he said that he refused to bring someone evil back into this world when they already had such a great evil to deal with, especially with the vague promise of "the greatest sacrifice" hanging over her head. He argued that to bring Slade back with the powers from Trigon would be irresponsible and more dangerous than anything else he could imagine. He was convinced that Slade would find a way to betray them and go to the aid of Noctis for the promise of power."

Terra could see by the look on Robin's face that he could see merit in the opinion of his counterpart. She could tell that he was trying desperately not to voice this opinion in respect for her and the story that she was having obvious difficulty in telling. She decided to press on before she lost her nerve.

"We thought it was just irrational hatred for his arch nemesis but we did not know of the darkness that had already taken root in him, the darkness that was whispering to him that the Titans were wrong, that they were plotting behind his back, that they were betraying him. The other Titans, including Titans East and the rag-tag band of heroes they had scrounged up, met without Robin to discuss the rationality of bringing a super-powerful Slade back into the equation. While they were less biased than Robin in their hatred of Slade, there was definite danger in bringing him back. They had no guarantee that he wouldn't become a powerful adversary himself once he helped defeat Noctis, but he was also the only other person who would and could give them a chance of success. The only thing Noctis wouldn't see coming.

"After much debating, the majority decided that it was best to take their chances with Slade than to be systematically destroyed by Noctis. Ultimately, though, the decision lay with Raven. They were all willing to follow whatever decision she made. She had already tried to give her life to save them. They trusted her and magic was what she knew better than any of them. She had no idea what to do without a unanimous agreement, but time was short and she didn't have the luxury to debate on it forever.

"Raven contacted the High Priestess of Azarath with a heavy heart and told them of her decision.

"Thus Slade became the Titans' secret cohort. He agreed to help on the condition that the Titans were to grant him his life and freedom after the destruction of Noctis. They agreed, after all while Slade was undeniably dangerous he was currently the lesser of two evils. A plan was formulated to take place during Noctis' next blood ritual. It was likely that he would send distractions once more, but Slade was the element of surprise that they needed. Robin was told every aspect of the plan . . . except Slade's involvement. Of that he knew nothing. The team had decided that his contention was detrimental and that it was an aspect to the plan that he need not know.

"Slade, indeed, had power beyond the Titans' hopes. He used his power to rescue me from my stone prison so I could help."

She looked haunted for a moment before blinking and continuing.

"It took time for me to become myself again . . . I was still consumed by the guilt of betraying everyone and seeing Slade working with us did not do wonders for my state of mind. Once I came to my senses, I joined in the fight. My existence was kept as a secret from Robin, in case he should become suspicious about my freedom from the stone.

"I can see that you don't agree with our decision," she said, seeing Robin's clenched fists. "I wasn't at first either, but there was something . . . different about Robin. There was something dark brooding inside him. He was getting erratic, violent, but we were blind to the danger. We had so much else to worry about and Robin's mood swings weren't exactly a priority. If only we had paid more attention. If only we'd seen what was eating at him.

"The day of the ritual dawned and we were so confident . . . it didn't happen at all the way we planned."

Tears coursed down Terra's face as she turned away from Robin. The Titans of her world had been through things that he couldn't imagine, that much was obvious, but she was still just as proud as she had ever been. She didn't want him to see her cry.

Not knowing what else to do, he calmed himself and placed a hesitant hand on her shoulder, hoping to comfort her. Terra was grateful for his kindness, but quickly wiped the tears from her eyes and shied away from his hand as she threw back her shoulders in proud defiance of her momentary weakness. She sniffed and continued on with the tale as if her momentary lapse had never happened.

"The fight was in our favor. We took care of Noctis' minions and Slade went after Noctis himself. Slade fighting on our side . . . it's still so strange to remember. But when it comes to a choice between fighting for your enemies and complete oblivion, you tend to chose against oblivion.

"Noctis hadn't counted on the extra force that Slade brought and . . . we couldn't lose. He and Raven were a force of nature working together. But when Robin found out that Slade was fighting Noctis, fighting alongside Raven no less, he snapped. He refused to continue. He just . . . walked away. Without his force to help fight the minions, they turned their focus on Slade and we were overwhelmed and defeated. Slade never got the chance to defeat Noctis. He didn't survive.

"Robin felt as if his trust in the Titans had been betrayed and he just left, right in the middle of battle, he just left. Not just the battle, he left _us_. We fled Noctis, but not before suffering some casualties of our own. We made it out better than we could have hoped, considering."

Terra looked as if she couldn't go on. Robin wondered if it was the weight of all her fallen friends or someone in particular that haunted her. He brushed her hair back from her shoulder as he forced her to face him. He wasn't sure how hard he could push her to speak, Terra was never one to do _anything_ she didn't want to, but he had to know what this had to do with her appearance, and Raven's as well, in his world.

"I need to know, Terra. I can't imagine how hard this is, but I need to know. What happened to your world? Why did you come to mine?"

Tears now flowed freely down Terra's face unchecked as she looked up at him. As if just realizing he was still there, she reached out to touch his cheek. She pulled her hand back and sniffled.

"We looked for Robin everywhere but he abandoned his communicator and vanished without a trace. The next time we saw him . . .

"Robin was consumed by anger and betrayal. He wouldn't contact us or help us when we were in danger . . . eventually, he was completely overtaken by Noctis. The darkness in him . . . we think it happened during the blood ritual when he saved Raven. Something happened to Robin when he stopped Raven from sacrificing herself. Noctis infected him somehow, we're still not sure how, and that infection grew until our deception broke something in him and let it fully take over.

"He . . . he remembered Starfire's story about going to the future to defeat Warp and he decided to adopt the name Nightwing, believing himself to be transformed and, in his words, 'enlightened.' Noctis continued to destroy our world and Nightwing . . . he began to destroy us.

"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you anymore from there without Raven. I left after Robin turned. I left the Titans, hating myself for past failures and unable to face the blow of losing Robin and so many friends. By the time I returned . . . it was time to flee from Nightwing to the only place we could be safe from him: another world.

"I found Dr. Chang's latest inter-dimensional technology and brought it to Raven. Only she, Aqualad, Speedy and I made it out of our world, with Nightwing following, before it was overtaken."

"I don't get it, Terra. Why did Raven say nothing after helping me tonight? Why did she run from me? What is she doing here if she isn't coming to us?"

"She's still ashamed, Robin, and scared. She views the destruction of our world as entirely her fault. She couldn't stop Noctis. She couldn't save you. She feels like it's entirely her fault that Nightwing turned against us. And now he follows us, follows _her_, to any world we go to. We've been to other worlds before this one, but all of them are different. Sometimes the Titans are broken, incapable of helping themselves let alone us. Sometimes the Titans are whole, another her included, and she can't bear to bring this destruction that follows us to them.

"Then we found this realm. This one that diverged at the exact moment she wishes she could have changed. _This_ world is the world that she wanted. She's been following you, all of the Titans here, for weeks trying to gather the courage to ask for your help. She sees you all alive here and remembers how she 'failed' you in our world. We need your help to defeat Nightwing, but I'm afraid Raven will go mad if she has to struggle with her guilt any longer."

Robin looked her intently in the eyes.

"What can I do to help her?"

_Not help **us**_, Terra thought, _help **her**_.

She couldn't help the slight smile that came to her lips but she quickly assumed a blank face. Robin never noticed the slight. His thoughts were only on the torment of Raven.

"Come and confront her. Make her talk to you. She'll be at a local music scene with the others tomorrow night. The atmosphere always seems to soothe her. Bring the Titans. Let her know that you all understand the danger, that you _want_ her back, and that you want to help. Let her know that you still care for her. Let her know that she's not alone."

Robin rose to his feet, grabbing Terra's hands and pulling her to her feet as well and waited to let go of her hand until she had gained her balance.

"We'll be there."

No hesitation in his reply at all. He was sure. He wanted to save Raven. Terra couldn't remember ever feeling this relieved.

"Nine O'clock," she said, handing him a small slip of paper. "Here's the address."

"Nine it is," he said, turning to leave.

He stood with his back to her for several moments before speaking over his shoulder, refusing to look at her.

"I did save her from Noctis, you know. Not when it counted, but every night since then . . . I save her. Every night . . . only to wake up and find she's gone. I'll save her this time. I promise. I have to."


	3. Chapter 3

The Titans had stared blankly at Robin for long, tense minutes after he had finished speaking. What could they say? Raven was alive . . . how were they supposed to respond to that? Even Beast Boy had no witty response, sitting on the couch with disbelief and shock in his eyes, his mouth still wide open.

Robin had taken the rest of the night after Terra's story and most of the following day to wander lost in thought, the paper Terra had given him clutched tightly in his hand. He spent the day processing what Terra had told him, coming up with questions that he should have asked, and formulating what he would say to the rest of the Titans. When he returned to the tower that evening the expression on his face stopped any chastising and questions from coming his way about his abrupt disappearance. Now they all understood that haunted look.

The testimony of the masked villain that they had intercepted confirmed part of Robin's crazed story: There were two mysterious girls to show up in that alley; one cloaked and the other mostly hidden in shadows. If there was any chance that Raven and Terra had really been there . . . the Titans had to take faith in Robin's word.

Robin had asked if they would come with him to see Raven and convince her to stay and take a stand against Nightwing. His shoulder still ached from the force that Starfire had used to rush him to the T-car. Not even Cyborg's cybernetics could hide the anticipation written on his face.

They had no difficulty in finding the place where Terra was to meet them. It was easily the busiest building on the whole city block. It was crowded, as the man at the door said was common with the band playing that night, but it seemed that Terra had anticipated that for there was a table reserved for the Titans already. They sat amid the crowd, sitting at a tiny table on the raised portion of the floor, the dance floor on a lower level right on the opposite side of the railing beside their table. Robin looked about the smoky, dimly lit room and scanned crowd at the bar and briefly glanced at the dance floor for a sign of Raven, although the dance floor was probably the last place that he expected to see her.

Robin would have liked the band onstage if he had taken the time to listen to them, but he, as well as the other Titans, was so fidgety knowing that, at any moment, he would once again be face to face with Raven.

His eyes flitted to the clock on the wall by the bar top. Nine thirty, which meant it was actually closer to nine fifteen. Where the hell was Terra?

His frustration grew with every passing minute, as did his fear that he had imagined the whole thing and that there was no hope of ever seeing Raven again. He took quick glances at the other Titans, wondering if they thought he had lost his mind. He couldn't have made up the scene in the alley and everything that followed. . . could he? His anxiety continued to grow until he felt a hand upon his shoulder as he scrutinized the crowd for what seemed to be the hundredth time.

He turned to find Terra standing behind his chair, nervously chewing her lower lip again as she looked around the crowd, seemingly nervous of finding someone there that she didn't wish to see.

"Where have you been?" Robin demanded, turning his chair so he could more easily see her. The Titans could only stare in shock at a person who, to their latest knowledge, should still be encased in stone. "You said nine. Where's Raven?"

Surprising Robin, Terra began to laugh.

"What is so funny?" Robin asked, beginning to get angry at her lack of seriousness in this situation.

"Where's Raven?" Terra repeated, her laughter beginning to subside as she realized he had honestly not seen her. "You're serious?"

She laid her hands on the sides of his head and turned it toward the stage before pointing. There amid the crowd on the dance floor was Raven. The crowd had taken a step away from her as she danced, her body fluid and graceful and her movements entrancing.

Robin couldn't believe his eyes. Cloaked just as she had always been in years past – only in black this time instead of blue – was Raven, her intense eyes still visible through the shadows of her hood and the body of her cloak thrown over her shoulders instead of covering her as he remembered. She now wore a flowing black skirt with slits on both sides well past mid-thigh, but the boots were the same as always, ankle high and sensibly heeled. The rest of the Titans froze, unable to fully comprehend the sight before them. Raven . . . their Raven was alive, but there among the crowd, dancing with her eyes now closed, emotions obvious on her face as she made the music seem alive in her motions almost like she was writing spells with her movements. In such close proximity to all those people and yet her powers seemed to remain in control and contained within her, despite the fierce expressions that crossed her face in reaction to the lyrics. It was so unlike the restrained Raven they all remembered. Whatever she was feeling she was showing.

They each longed to share that with her. They each longed to share anything with her again.

"She learned to harness her power," explained Terra, taking a seat at their little table. "Mostly. Sometime between when the team broke up, about when I left, and when we got together to flee our world she found a way to accept the various emotion-selves within her and once they stopped conflicting within her she found she could use them, guide them. She can use the emotions of those around her to help recharge her, in a way, and channel it. What used to be her weakness is now her strength. She comes here to let out her hurt in a physical way. It helps with the pain. Music has given her an outlet for her anguish and I believe that the music is what's kept Raven sane all this time. She always manages to find the best places. The guys have always been impressed."

The Titans had been so focused on Raven that they hadn't paid any heed to the two men standing on either side of her leaning against the stage. At first Robin had thought they were bouncers from the club, but once a bold and very drunk man came up behind Raven and grabbed her hips while she danced they both grabbed and arm and wrenched it behind him. One of them, a redhead, leaned in to whisper in the man's ear and once they let go of his arms he stumbled back, shaking and took off through the crowd. It was then that Robin recognized Speedy and Aqualad. Although the same age and looking remarkably identical to the Aqualad and Speedy that they knew, these two were darker, shadowed versions of the Titans that they knew so well. It seemed that they, too, had lived through unthinkable torment. The hard set to their eyes mirrored the steel inside that had been forged in their adversity.

Raven's eyes, when they were open, scanned the crowd as she danced, making a connection with others dancing in the audience, as if drawing a little power from each person. Her eyes finally moved beyond the dancers to the tables on the upper level and fell on the Titans' table. She faltered in her steps as she realized who they were, the shock of seeing them all hitting her hard. Clearly this was the last thing that she expected.

She quickly recovered, but stood frozen on the dance floor as she made eye contact with Robin. She finally got her bearings as the song ended and Speedy laid a hand on her shoulder. She started at the contact and rushed off dance floor, to the confused murmur of the crowd, desperate to attempt to flee the situation before she had to face it. She was intercepted by her current bodyguards before she could make it vary far.

Robin turned to find that Terra had left her seat and was making her way to Raven through the crowd. She reached the left edge of the dance floor where Speedy had his arm around Raven to support her as she threatened to sink to the floor. Terra leaned close and whispered to Raven, laying a hand upon her back in a comforting gesture, hoping to calm Raven down. To ground her.

Raven lifted her head and shouted heated words at Terra that the Titans couldn't hear over the din of the crowd on the dance floor as the band began to play their next song. Raven shrugged off Speedy's arm and shouted her defiance at all three of them before trying her best to slip out of the back door to the building. Speedy grabbed her by the shoulders, turned her toward him and lowered his head to hers. He pressed his forehead against hers and after moments of heated whispers Raven's shoulders finally slumped into submission. Speedy took her into his arms and held her for a few moments, laying his head on hers before Raven pulled out of his grasp.

Raven heaved a sigh and looked up in the direction of the Titans' table. Her eyes locked onto Robin's again and she irritatingly brushed away the tear that slid down her chin. She began to make her way over to their table, her companions in tow behind her.

The crowd parted for her as she made her way back through the dance floor. People approached her that she brushed aside. Apparently she'd been here before and was well known.

Robin's heart began to drum in anticipation as she approached. What was he going to say to her? A look at the other Titans told him that they had no idea what to do, either. All of this was happening so suddenly . . .

Raven finally ascended the stairs to the raised floor and reached their table. She stood before them, her friends, fighting at the agony that fiercely clutched her heart in its burning grasp.

What could she say to them? How could she expect them to understand?

"Raven," Starfire began, the first to find the voice to speak. "Truly it is you?"

Unexpected tears sprang to Raven's eyes as her gaze fell upon Starfire. It took several moments for Raven to blink away her tears and to compose herself enough to answer without a shaky voice.

"Yeah. Yeah, it's me, Starfire."

The sound of her voice, low and throaty, was familiar and yet so different to the Titans. Her voice held more fluidity, more of a soft velvety quality than it had before. She had always been rather soft spoken, but now her voice seemed as haunted as the rest of her.

Things had most certainly changed in the empathic Titan.

No one knew what to say next. What could they say? The tension grew thick and even Beast Boy was at a shortage of smart-assed comments.

Everyone looked at Starfire as she sniffled loudly. She lifted her head and flashed a brilliant smile. Leaping out of her chair, and nearly knocking over the table in the process, she crushed Raven to her and hugged her as if she were afraid to let go.

"Oh, my friend!" she exclaimed as Raven returned her hug fiercely, seemingly using her as an anchor, afraid that if she let go Starfire would disappear.

Robin raised an eyebrow at that observation. She _had_ changed.

Beast Boy was the next to pounce on Raven, causing her to stagger back a few steps to regain her balance under Beast Boy's weight. Cyborg stepped up beside them and lifted them both off the ground in his embrace.

As Cyborg set them both on their feet Robin saw the most amazing sight that he had seen in a long, long time: Raven with a true smile lighting her face. A smile he had only ever seen in private.

Many hardships she had faced in her world and they left their marks on her. She was different than the Raven they remembered, that was true, but perhaps that allowed for some joy in her as well as the obvious sorrow.

Finally Raven's eyes met Robin's through his mask. The last days before Raven's death suddenly flooded through his mind, bringing up the joy they had shared and then the pain of loss that he had been trying so hard to suppress. They had finally gotten close, he had finally had her, and he had lost her. And now here she stood before him once more.

"Raven."

He reached out for her and felt his heart sting as she recoiled from him, her eyes suddenly filled with panic and the black aura of her soul-self flashing around her hands for the briefest instant in reactionary defense.

She closed her eyes and hot tears spilled freely down her cheeks, something that he had rarely ever seen before either. She struggled to swallow and finally opened her eyes again.

"I'm so sorry, Robin," she whispered.

Changed indeed.

Raven stepped toward Robin and they stood facing each other awkwardly after her initial reaction. Surprising him, Raven threw her arms around Robin. He felt her sigh as he returned her embrace tightly, running his hands up and down her back, as if trying to make sure she was really there, as he felt her shoulders racking with sobs. Never had he seen Raven this open, this free with her emotions.

It took several moments for Raven to calm down and pull away from Robin's embrace.

"I'm sorry," she began. "This is just . . . a little much. I wasn't expecting to do this tonight . . ."

Her hands dropped to her sides as she looked around her sighed, listening to the music of the band onstage.

"Maybe this isn't the place to talk about this," she muttered, looking down to the floor. "We should go-"

Before she was able to finish her sentence a loud explosion from onstage rocked the building's foundation and threw many unsuspecting people to the floor, knocking Raven and Beast Boy over the railing and onto the dance floor below. Beast Boy's head hit the ground hard and he blacked out momentarily before opening his eyes and blankly blinking the stars from his eyes.

Peering up from her position on the floor, Raven attempted to look through the panicked crowd to see what had happened on stage. When she got a clear view of the stage her body grew cold with dread.

_Not yet_, she thought as her blood ran with ice. _Not yet. Not here._

Standing onstage, with a cocky smirk upon his face, was Nightwing. The stage lights shone upon him and made his long, dark hair appear almost blue. The smoke from the ruined sound equipment swirled around him as he placed an electro disk back into his belt, seeing that he had done enough to have the full attention of everyone still conscious. A member of the band that had been playing groaned and rolled over. Nightwing looked down at him and kicked the man so he rolled off the stage.

Robin stared, slack-jawed at this dark version of himself. If any of the others had doubts of Terra's story, they were surely putting those doubts to rest now. He looked just like Robin with longer hair, and yet somehow completely different. There was a darkness and a danger that was obvious in his mask-less stare. And a scar on his chin that Robin himself didn't bear.

"Sorry to interrupt all of the fun," Nightwing started with a calm, liquid voice, resting his elbow on a smoking speaker, "but I'm looking for an evasive little vixen with an intoxicating voice. Maybe one of you could help me out."

He hopped off the stage and scanned the crowd as he passed by cowering bystanders, some huddled on the floor where they had fallen during the explosion.

"I know you're here, Raven," he said in a low, dangerous tone, making his way through the frightened crowd, his voice harder than it had been on stage. "Why don't you spare all these people the torments you know I'll inflict on them and come to me?"

He bent down and lifted a woman by the throat. She gasped for air as Nightwing's grip tightened on her windpipe. A man approached to help her but his face was swiftly slashed by a dagger that suddenly appeared in Nightwing's hand. Any others coming forward suddenly backed up as the man rolled on the ground, screaming.

"My patience grows thin, dear Raven. Come to me. Now!"

He looked down at the woman in his grasp as he tightened his grip once more, the woman no longer able to take in air.

"Or she dies!"

"No!" Raven commanded, finally managing to stand after untangling herself from Beast Boy, who had been sprawled on top of her recovering from his head injury.

"Ah." Nightwing dropped the woman without a second thought and turned to the sound of Raven's shout. "There you are, Love."

"You lost the right to call me that long ago," she replied quickly.

Nightwing seemed unfazed by what Raven had to say and extended a hand towards her.

"You've made me chase you long enough, Pet. Come home." Nightwing was stern with his demand.

"And where is home since you helped Noctis to destroy our world?" Raven spat, bitterness creeping into her voice.

"I can give you any home you wish. We can take any realm and make it ours. Anything that you want."

Raven faltered as the look in Nightwing's eyes changed from cold detachment to smoldering desire, need, desperation. Robin suddenly understood the motivation behind Nightwing's relentless pursuit of Raven. He wasn't after revenge. He wasn't only on his master's bidding.

_He loves her,_ Robin realized.

In some twisted way and through the darkness now surrounding him Nightwing still loved her as Robin had loved her. He wouldn't allow for her to sacrifice herself because he refused to lose her. Now he was relying on force to keep her. But Nightwing had forgotten something. He had already lost Raven by his own selfishness. He had lost her before he had succumbed to darkness. Raven had found her way back to Robin. Just a new Robin.

A Robin that did not intend to lose her again.

Raven made her way over to Nightwing. As Terra and Speedy ran to stop her, Nightwing threw out a hand and a black aura, much like Raven's blocked their path. Raven sent a panicked look to her friends before her face grew cold and she turned and stood before Nightwing in full confidence, looking up into his dark eyes.

"I want our world back," Raven whispered, her eyes pleading with Nightwing's for some show of sanity. "I want Robin back."

"Our world is gone, Raven, and so is the Robin you knew. The so-called heroes of our world turned to a madman as an ally. They put the world into more jeopardy on the slight chance that it could help us. They were all fools, I see that now. They were blind and they blinded you to my true intent; to Noctis' true intent. I've explained this all before, dear Raven. The Titans stood in the way of a world remade. I merely eliminated what stood between us."

"Then why is our world in the shadow of oblivion? Why did this remade world of yours not work? Why did you, yourself, join with the evil of Noctis?!"

Raven's soul-self crackled around her in the familiar black aura. The Titans couldn't recall seeing her release her emotions so much. She had always preached of the dangers of such feelings. Now, it seemed, she wielded them formidably.

Her defenses suddenly lowered as Nightwing reached out to cup her cheek. He stroked her neck with his fingers and her back arched slightly from the electricity that his touch shot through her, the bond they once shared still very much alive, even though it seemed tainted now. She shook her head and tried to take a step back but he stepped forward with her and leaned in to whisper in her ear.

"Our world is no longer because it was full of corruption. Noctis sought to destroy the wicked and bring the world back to balance. It would have eventually been utopia." He shifted slightly and inhaled, breathing in the scent of her hair. "It can still be utopia. You can help me remake it. You can make it in any way you see fit. If you just come home."

His voice sent shivers down her spine that turned to frost as he laid a kiss on her neck at the junction of it and her shoulder. She felt his tongue trail from where he kissed her neck up to her ear and she shuddered, from desire or revulsion she could no longer be sure.

She shoved him suddenly with a violence that surprised him and she took several steps back, not stopping until she was far from him.

"After all that we fought to protect . . . you think we deserved this? You believed Noctis' lies of magnanimity? You are the one who has been blinded. He has corrupted you. You don't have to do this."

"Enough!" Nightwing's cry echoed off the walls, all tenderness lost from his voice. "I'm tired of arguing in circles with you! If I can't convince you to follow down my path then I'll have to drag you behind me until you see the truth!"

With that Nightwing dove for her, shoving aside the terrified people cowering beside his path and losing concentration on the shield aura he had placed in front of her friends. Raven backed away from him as he lunged for her and loud explosion erupted in front of him before he could reach her.

Waving away the smoke, Nightwing squinted to see what had gotten in his way. Approaching him, taking Raven and placing themselves between her and Nightwing, were the Titans.

"You won't _touch_ her," Robin hissed as he stared down his counterpart.

Starfire's hands glowed green as she held her power of starbolts ready. "You will leave our friend alone," she cried, her clarion voice carrying through the room echoing with righteous fury.

"Titans," Nightwing scoffed, recognition crossing his face as he noticed them for the first time. "You think you can keep her? You think you can protect her? She belongs to _me!_" he growled, rising to his full height.

"She belongs to no one but herself," Beast Boy growled, still slightly woozy but not letting that deter him from transforming into a bear and holding out a wickedly sharp clawed paw which flexed with anticipation.

"So why don't you just leave her alone?" Cyborg added, charging the sonic cannon that he held out, pointed at Nightwing's chest.

"You insist on tormenting her, but your end is coming, Nightwing," Terra threatened, the ground at Nightwing's feet already starting to crack from Terra's power as her hands glowed yellow.

"We end this now," cried Speedy, cocking an arrow.

"And it won't go your way," Aqualad growled, pulling liquid from glasses all around the room and freezing them to icicles pointed at Nightwing.

Before either Nightwing or the Titans could react, a black aura appeared around him and pulled him into the ground where he vanished. The Titans turned to Raven and found her fallen to her knees, looking thoroughly exhausted.

"He'll be back," Raven whispered as Beast Boy and Robin lifted her to her feet. "I sent him away, far away, though it cost me much of my power, but he'll find his way back. You can't fight him yet. He's too strong and . . . the others know." She indicated the others from her world who were recalling their powers or putting away weapons. "And they know _better_ than to confront him," she growled as she glared at them. She turned back to the Titans. "We must talk first. I have much to warn you about Nightwing."

At those last words Raven lost consciousness slumping in Beast Boy's embrace.

Speedy scooped her into his arms and faced the Titans. He looked to Robin for instructions on what to do now.

"Let's take her back to the Tower," Robin suggested. "Let's take her home."


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we finally hit the last chapter of backstory. Things get real from here. Thanks to everyone for sticking with it through all the backstory needed to continue!

**TW/CW: Character death description, trauma**

**Chapter 4**

Raven slowly blinked her eyes open, bringing into focus a dimly lit ceiling beyond a fabric canopy that was familiar, yet not at the same time. She quickly sat up and scanned her surroundings. Her breath caught when she realized where she was.

It was her room; in Titans Tower.

But how? Her world had been corrupted.

It was then that the memories from earlier that evening came flooding back to her and she let out a breath of relief as her head fell back on her pillow. The Titans of this world must have brought her back here to their tower. Her forehead felt tight and uncomfortable where her hood rested on it and she reached to pull it back. She touched her forehead and hissed as she came into contact with a cut not yet fully healed. She must have hit her head when she fell. Either she hadn't been out long or her body was taking longer than normal to heal. Perhaps she had stretched her powers too far sending Nightwing so far away.

The sound of footsteps in the hallway made her run cold with fear and she quickly sat up and slid her hood back over her forehead as the door to her room opened to allow a figure in. Raven squinted to see who it was against the brightness of the hallway. The door closed and the figure moved into the moonlight pouring through the window. Raven was able to make out the figure's features.

"Robin," she whispered.

Robin stopped suddenly as he saw her already sitting up.

"You're awake," he said, surprise in his voice. "I was just coming to check up on you. I'll leave if you want."

"No," Raven said quickly as Robin backed toward the door. "No. Stay. Please."

Robin stopped and looked at her before responding.

"Alright."

Robin walked toward her and sat on the side of the bed as she slid over to give him room.

"Are you okay?" He stared intently into her eyes as if they would tell him if she lied. He let out a soft, nervous chuckle and looked away. "God, that's a stupid question, isn't it?"

A slight smile came to the corner of Raven's mouth. "I'm fine," she replied. "Well, as fine as I can be I suppose. Sending Nightwing to another plane, another dimension, just took too much energy after everything that happened. I'm surprised the others let you come to check on me, though. I would have thought they'd deter you in case I freaked out waking up to see you."

"They _did_ try to deter me," he said as he ran a hand through his dark hair, "but they couldn't stop me. I guess I still need to prove to myself that you're really here."

He reached out to lay a hand on hers, but she pulled back suddenly before closing her eyes and lowering her head.

"I'm sorry. It's not your fault. It's just . . . you look just like him. I mean, in a way you kind of _are_ him. Who he used to be anyway."

She reached out and laid her hand on his, instead, and he flipped his hand so he could hold hers. His grip tightened as the feeling in his chest did. They stared at each other for a long while before she spoke to break the tension.

"I take it I haven't been out long?"

"Just a couple of hours. Don't tell me you can keep track of the time while you're unconscious."

"Not perfectly," she said with a little smile.

Robin laughed and looked around the room and lost himself momentarily to memories.

"I wouldn't need a whole hand to count the number of times you had ever let me in here."

"And most of those times were only in the few months we had before the fateful fight with Noctis. Most of the time we stayed in your room."

Robin flushed and turned away from Raven before she could see it. The awkward silence stretched between them, neither one of them sure what to say. What can be said in a situation such as this?

Robin finally broke the silence between them this time, though he kept his head turned away from her.

"So up until that day our pasts are exactly the same?"

Raven waited until he turned back to face her before she answered.

"I've wondered that myself. Everything seems to fit so far, but . . . Do you remember the morning before my sacrifice?" Robin nodded and Raven continued. "If our pasts are exactly the same then you'll remember what I did that morning . . . what you caught me doing."

Robin stared into her eyes.

"We had stayed up late talking. About nothing if I recall correctly." A slight smile came, unbidden, to his face as he remembered. "It was late and you asked me stay. We, uh, we spent most of the night, uh-" he paused and blushed furiously, squeezing her hand and feeling relief as she squeezed back. She gave him a small, knowing smile and he cleared his throat before continuing. "Then we fell asleep. I woke in the morning and you were sitting by the window. I heard you. You sang. You sang a song of passing . . . from Azarath."

Tears formed in Raven's eyes before she blinked them away. She nodded.

"Do you remember what I said after you stopped singing?" Robin inquired.

"I thought my song too sad. I was happy, truly happy, and I don't know why that song came to mind. I didn't know you had awakened yet. You tried to get me to sing again. You said you didn't care if my song was sad . . . it was still mine. You said now it was yours too."

Robin reached out and lifted her chin as she tried to lower her head in embarrassment. She shivered from his electric touch.

"I don't think I've ever seen you as raw and real as I did when I heard you sing. Until tonight when I saw you dance. Your song is still so clear in my memory. You really do have an intoxicating voice."

He realized the error of what he said immediately after he said it. Memories of Nightwing's words from earlier that night came back to them and Robin realized how similar he and his counterpart were.

"Rae, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I-"

"Rae?" Her eyes closed and a slight smile came to the corner of her mouth. "There's a name I haven't heard in a long, long, while." Her eyes opened and focused on him from the shadows of her hood. "I've never allowed anyone else to call me that, you know."

Robin let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding, grateful that his slip of the tongue hadn't turned her away from him.

"Frankly, I was shocked when you let me," he confessed.

Raven chuckled. She sighed and looked up at him.

"Are the others still up?"

"After tonight do you doubt it? Everyone's waiting up to see if you woke before the morning."

"I need to talk to you. All of you."

"You need your rest, Raven. Whatever it is that you have to tell us can wait-"

"No. It must be told. I have to get it all out tonight or I may not have the courage in the morning. What I have to tell you I've never had to tell anyone at once before. I have to do this now. Please, Robin."

One look at her told him she wouldn't have it any way but hers and he knew he wouldn't have denied her even if he wanted to. He nodded and stood, holding out a hand to help her rise from the covers.

O • O • O • O

Raven sat on the couch and faced the Titans, Aqualad and Terra on either side of her and Speedy leaning on the back of the couch with his arms crossed. It was like he was standing guard and, knowing what they'd been through, maybe he was. She let out a ragged breath as she lowered her head into her hands. Speedy leaned back so he could see her face. He reached down and grabbed her hand in his and rubbed the backs of her fingers reassuringly.

_How can I tell this story?_ Raven wondered. _How can I sit here and tell them how I let them all down? What I allowed to happen. Will they understand how complicated this all is?_

"Raven," Robin ventured cautiously. "Like I said earlier, we don't have to do this tonight. We can-"

"No, Robin. This must be told." She looked up at them while she caused the bright lights to dim so they no longer hurt her eyes. "I may not have the courage to relay this tale later. You have to know why you can't fight Nightwing yet."

Raven looked hard at Cyborg.

"You're sure of the Tower's defenses?"

"We programmed the perimeter sensors to recognize Robin's DNA. Since he's already in the tower he'll be safe, as long as he doesn't leave the perimeter, and the sensors show that there's only one Robin in the tower. It won't be pretty for him if he tries to touch this island.

Raven nodded her head once to acknowledge her understanding and took a deep breath. She squeezed Speedy's hand before pulling her hand from his grip and nodded quick thanks. He went back to leaning against the couch, his elbows propped on the couch back. Resting her elbows on her knees, Raven leaned forward.

_Please let them understand. Please . . ._

"After Robin . . . _our_ Robin . . ."

Raven looked away from the others and sighed and leaned back on the couch as she tried to control the lump rising in her throat. Terra leaned her shoulder against Raven. It was a subtle gesture, but one that Robin noticed. He also noticed Speedy's hand behind Raven shift slightly and his fingers tenderly brushed the back of her neck, though Speedy did not look at her or shift his elbows from their position on the couch back. It was as if he wanted to comfort her without anyone else knowing he was doing so. Robin raised an eyebrow at the gesture but no one else seemed to notice it or his reaction to it.

"After our chance at defeating Noctis was lost, the team wasn't the same. Everything seemed so hopeless and Robin found himself more and more alienated amongst us. Thinking back on it I see that I didn't help the situation any but . . . I was _so_ angry. Our only chance lost because he was so rash . . ." Raven took a moment to calm herself before continuing. "I had never allowed my emotions out enough to feel such anger before. Obviously I didn't handle it as well as I could have.

"As Terra explained, I found the only survivors of the Temple of Azarath and begged for their help. They refused to help us fight, but they were willing to reveal the name of the only hope that we had left of destroying Noctis: Slade.

"When Robin left the fight after finding out about our alliance with Slade . . . we didn't know what to think. We couldn't find him. We looked everywhere.

"Something had been going on with him for some time. When I look back on it now it seems so obvious, but we were so distracted. We failed him in so many ways, I suppose. Once he saw Slade and what he viewed as our betrayal something in him broke and whatever darkness had crept in him had the chance to take over. He was gone for awhile. What? A month?" She looked to her companions for confirmation. Aqualad nodded.

"During that time he succumbed to the darkness that had latched on to him. He left behind the name Robin and adopted the name of Nightwing."

Raven stared straight ahead, past everyone and out the window, not looking at anything with her glazed eyes. Her mind was reliving things she'd tried so hard to repress. She continued with her story, swept into the flow of the past and Robin's heart pounded loudly in his chest as he prayed that she wouldn't drown in the tide.

"Nightwing swore to eradicate the evil masquerading as goodness in this world . . . and he also swore to 'rescue me from the Titans' clutches' and show me how good the world could be if it was rebuilt and that Noctis had the power to do that.

"But it wasn't long after his threats came that Terra left us, and I can't say that the thought of escaping all of that wasn't tempting for me as well. Titans East continued to fight with us, but apparently Nightwing was intent on destroying _us_ first."

Raven's tears glistened on her cheeks as she turned to Starfire.

"Nightwing left Star, my Star, a letter; one that we found in her room later. How he got into the tower or got it delivered we still don't know. If he _did_ enter the tower he could have ended it right there, but he wanted to toy with us. I think he loved the power he held over us.

"The letter told her that he had lost himself if darkness and that he was in trouble. It said that he was fighting something in him, that he was so scared, and that she was the only one who would be willing to hear what he had to say. He said that he was counting on her to help him and to convince us to take him back and help him."

Tears began to run unchecked down Raven's face as she rushed her words, clearly disturbed by her own tale but unable to stop the flow of words now that she had started.

"I awoke the next morning to the sound of my name being called from the hallway. There was no one there when I opened the door but the voice had traveled around the corner. I couldn't help following it, I don't know what came over me. I was so exhausted. I finally found myself before the front door and I knew I would never be the same again if I opened it . . . but I did . . .

"There, on the steps, was Starfire . . . her body already cold." Raven's breathing grew to a rapid rate but she seemed unable to stop speaking. Her eyes lost focus once more and grew more fevered.

"He murdered her; the only person who had believed in him no matter what. She said that she almost doubted him when he was Slade's apprentice . . . she swore she would never doubt him again. She believed in him . . . and he killed her. He started his bloodbath with _her_ because he knew she wouldn't doubt him."

Robin turned away from Starfire. It was his counterpart that had done this. Now the tears Raven had in her eyes at seeing Starfire tonight made complete sense.

"We're not positive that Nightwing, himself, killed her or if he took her to Noctis to do his dirty work, but he's the reason she's dead. He's still a murderer to me. Nightwing moved quickly after his first murder. The circuitry of the tower was rewired and electrocuted Cyborg in his sleep. When it was only Beast Boy and myself left . . . Nightwing knew we'd go into hiding.

"So he took children as hostages, knowing that we couldn't leave them to their deaths. We went to save them before something terrible happened.

We saved the children, got them to safety, but everything got so fucked up after that. There were explosions everywhere. Noctis just appeared there suddenly. We fought him off as best we could but we knew we had to find a way to retreat. Beast Boy and I got separated and I got careless.

Nightwing found me, hovered in the air behind me. Noctis had given him powers and I had no idea that he could reach me up there. He held me. He pinned my arms and whatever power that he now possessed fought against mine and it was winning. I was . . . helpless. My powers were dampened and I could do . . . nothing. I tried to shout a warning to Beast Boy but he must have panicked seeing me held by Nightwing. He tried to fly to me. To save me.

"Beast Boy was a hawk when Noctis caught him . . ."

Raven's throat was so constricted and she covered her mouth with her hand. Her eyes were still unfocused, looking past everyone, as if she were seeing the events of the past played out before her on the window behind the Titans. She had to take a few minutes before she removed her hand from her mouth and choked out the next line, her eyes wild with fear as if she stood before the gruesome seen all over again.

"He butchered Beast Boy before my eyes.

"All I could do was look at Beast Boy's mangled body. Nightwing grabbed me by the throat and leaned over my shoulder and whispered in my ear, 'Now it's just you and I, Pet.'

"He has a scar just under his jawline from that day. He let go of my throat and left me with Beast Boy's ruined body and for the first time in my life I felt _true_ hatred and anger . . . I didn't know that my powers could be that strong. It was the first time I really tried channeling my emotions and using them to fuel my power. I no longer had to fear being controlled by my father but I had still never attempted it in case something went horribly wrong but . . . if I could control my power while using emotion . . . well, it worked with Nightwing. His scar proves that much. I wasn't sure if I could control the power that I had created but I needed to find a way to escape. But when I turned to face Nightwing he only smiled and vanished, Noctis with him. They just left me there. I suppose they were hoping that being left with the carnage would break me, that my emotions would tear me apart. They almost did. I managed to get control eventually, but it was a dark few days. I did some things that were truly signs of insanity."

She leaned forward and looked down at the floor before closing her eyes and shaking her head furiously. She took several deep, shaky breaths and opened her eyes, still staring at the floor.

"I went out on my own for a while, trying to escape Nightwing. All the while trying to figure out that power that I had unlocked. I managed to harness it, mostly, and I did some good along the way. I earned the name of Shadow Spirit in some of the realms I traveled through. In all of my journeying I learned nothing of Noctis. He was a phantom. Then I finally realized I couldn't run anymore, so I went to Titan's East . . . what was left of them.

"Only Aqualad and Speedy were there to greet me . . . with Terra. She had stolen transdimensional technology from Dr. Chang and went to Titans East when she found Titan's Tower abandoned and couldn't find me. I stayed with them for a time and then we saw our only chance for survival in that technology to escape before our world died.

"He found us the day that we left, Nightwing did. Terra and Aqualad had already gone through the portal and Speedy and I were arguing about who would go next. I wanted to see them all through safely but he was insistent that I would not remain last in case Nightwing arrived. The I-told-you-so look on Speedy's face when Nightwing showed up . . ." she smiled slightly before continuing and she heard Speedy scoff behind her.

"I expected a fight, I expected rage, but Nightwing looked so broken. Like he had just been in a long battle and he was drained. He demanded that I stay, but then he sank to his knees and he grabbed his head. He screamed. It was like a wounded, desperate animal. Then he looked up and me and his eyes were so different. He begged me to go. He pleaded for me to escape while I could. He said there wasn't much time. He said he loved me and then he screamed again. I shoved Speedy through the portal and shielded it as Nightwing shuddered and rose to his feet. His eyes were hard again and he asked me to not make him do what he knew he had to do to keep me there. We fought and I knew that I just had to knock him back or wear him down enough for me to make it through the portal and to shut it down on the other side. He wasn't prepared for my new powers and that was the advantage I needed. I knocked him clear across the room and went to leap into the portal."

"We didn't think he would be able to follow us through the dimensions. We were wrong.

"So we've been jumping worlds, afraid to stay in one place for too long, lest Nightwing use the powers given to him by Noctis to destroy those worlds as well."

Raven's violet eyes were pleading as she looked up. She rose from her seat on shaky legs.

"You _can't_ fight him yet. He knows you. He knows your weaknesses. His abilities are still an unknown and even we don't know much about what he's now capable of. He is reckless and unpredictable. We _can't_ underestimate him. He must be destroyed but . . . there's also the possibility that something of himself still in there. We can't do anything until we know for sure. _I_ can't. I can't just destroy him and not at least _try_ to save him if there's a chance. I failed to help him before he fell to the darkness. I can't fail him again if there's any chance to save him."

She covered her face with her hands.

"It's all just so . . . fucked."

Her legs finally gave out, exhaustion from using her powers earlier and from the strain of having to tell her tale taking their toll, and she collapsed onto the floor, catching herself with her arms and locking her elbows to hold herself up, shoulders shaking.

"And I can't lose you all again."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Everyone rose to their feet as Raven fell. Crowding around her they all were anxious to make sure she was alright. Her breathing grew more desperate as she began to feel claustrophobic with all of their bodies pressing in around her.

Beast Boy saw the panic on Raven's face from the crowding and attempted to pull the others away from her before she had a panic attack. Robin slipped in and reached out for her. For the third time that night she blanched from his touch before reaching out for him and tightly wrapping her arms around his neck as he swept her into his arms. Robin would have given anything in that instant to not have her recoil from him again. He met eyes with Speedy and tried to read the tight expression on his face. He had vaulted over the couch when Raven collapsed and hadn't made it in time to rescue her from the crowd before Robin had her in his arms. Speedy finally nodded in understanding and gestured to the hallway with a jerk of his head. Robin would take Raven to calm down away from the others, Speedy would handle the crowd.

Robin stole Raven away, her body still shuddering, as Speedy gathered the Titans to calm them. He grudgingly admitted to himself that Raven was in good hands. As much as she seemed to react negatively to his touch, he knew that Robin had a connection with her, much as it might unsettle him.

"Oh, she will be alright?" Starfire asked, worry in her eyes.

"She will be fine," Speedy said as he slowly sat back down on the couch. "Talking about what happened is so hard for her. She's never told that much in one telling before. Most of us were there for some of those events. She just needs time. And space."

"She's always broken that story up and always given vague details before now," Terra interjected. "I never even knew she was the one who found Starfire . . . No wonder she could never talk about her."

"Or about Beast Boy," Aqualad threw in. "She never gave us the details of his death. She couldn't even mention his name. Then again it's not like talking about Cyborg or how he died was a popular topic with her either."

"I can see why," Beast Boy whispered as he sat down away from the other, staring outside the window at the dark night outside, his brows knitted in concern. "Could you imagine having to watch all that? Having to worry that anyone you turned to would be killed by someone that used to be a friend? A teammate?"

He looked up at Raven's companions.

"Raven said she spent some time on her own fleeing from Nightwing. How long after all that did it take for her to come to you?"

Speedy looked up into Beast Boy's green eyes.

"Raven had disappeared for roughly six, maybe seven months before she showed up at our door. She was half dead when she came to us. I opened the door and she was just lying there, having collapsed after ringing the bell." Speedy shuddered. "I thought maybe Nightwing had finally caught up with her. I checked her and carried her to the medical bay when I discovered she was alive, if barely. She slept in the med bay for three days straight. We were afraid she would lose the will to keep going. She wanted so badly to just give up."

Aqualad faced his fellow Titan and rested his elbow on the back of the couch before speaking.

"She almost did. You said something. I don't know what it was, Raven never said anything about it, but you said something that night she awoke that returned her to the living. You returned part of her spirit back to her."

Beast Boy turned to Speedy and appraised the Titan for quite awhile before he spoke. "For that I gotta say I'm grateful, Speedy. For whatever you did to save her."

"Might we go see if she needs anything?" Starfire inquired.

"I think we should give her time, Star," Beast Boy said before any of the others could speak. He tried to sound calm but his eyes, constantly darting to the doorway where Robin had left with Raven, betrayed his cool demeanor. "We should give her until the morning."

Starfire seemed ready to protest to this but decided against it when she saw Beast Boy fidgeting nervously. He was just as worried as she, but he also knew Raven's need for quiet and peace. Especially after the daunting task of relating her story to them. Starfire could at least wait until the morning.

But, oh, how she would worry tonight for her long lost friend finally returned to her.

O • O • O • O

Robin couldn't tell how long he sat in his room, holding Raven as she tried to calm her erratic breathing as she relived all the pain that she had tried so hard to put behind her. He didn't speak a word; he simply held her. She would let him know when she was ready and he was willing to giver her all the time she needed. It was still so strange to see get emotional at all. This was new territory.

He stroked her back and held her hooded head against his chest. He wondered if she would be more comfortable in her own room, but he had only gone in there once without her permission and that was earlier this evening to check on her. He still respected her privacy enough to not do so now. He would rather be too cautious than invade her privacy. Not when she had just made herself so vulnerable with the telling of her story.

Finally her breathing began to even out and she no longer clutched onto him for dear life. Robin felt ashamed for only thinking about how much he missed holding her. Although her breathing had seemed to return to normal, she was still trembling uncontrollably and seemed lost in the flood of memories. Robin, again, wondered if she was in danger of drowning in them.

Holding her tighter he whispered to her, "Come back to me, Raven. Don't get lost in a past that you can't change. Don't live your life with ghosts when we're here beside you. Come back home. Don't leave me again, Rae. I don't think I'd survive it this time."

Raven's trembling began to subside and she sat in his embrace composing herself. She pulled back and gazed into his concerned face. He cupped her cheek and slid his hand back to lower her hood. Her hand snapped up and snatched his wrist. It was then that Robin realized she hadn't removed her hood since she had arrived.

"What's wrong, Raven?"

She let go of his hand once she was sure that he wouldn't try to remove her hood.

"Again, there are some things that I am not ready for, Robin. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Raven. I'm not here to push you to do what you're not ready to do. I just hope you'll confide in me when you're ready."

She turned away from him.

"I know it must be strange to see me so emotional," Raven began, awkwardly changing the subject and shifting her position to put space between them. "Ever since that day that Beast Boy was . . ."

She swallowed hard before she could continue.

"Ever since that day I've been trying to figure out these powers and emotions and use the power laced in my flesh to my own advantage. It took me a little more than six months to turn to Titans East. During that time I wandered, trying to figure out how to control that power that I had unlocked. I became known as 'The Shadow Spirit.' I brought death to the wicked and justice to the world not yet touched by Noctis. To some of the other realms I had access too, as well."

She sighed heavily as she looked back at him once more.

"But no matter where I went, Nightwing was never far away. He was relentless in his search for me."

It was then Robin's turn to look away.

"What is it?" Raven inquired.

"I have a question for you, but I'm not sure that it's appropriate for me to ask."

Raven stared hard at him before nodding.

"Our relationship, the one that I remembered, is the same for you as far as we can tell. Did it . . . did it continue after he saved you? I know you said that's when the darkness took root in him and that you were angry but . . ."

She continued to watch him, her eyes peering out from the shadows. "Did you ever tell the Titans of what went on between us?"

"No. Raven and I . . . _you_ and I decided to keep it between us for a while. We had such little time together. Then Noctis . . . I never knew what you would have wanted so I kept it with me. Although I have to say that I think the others have their suspicions, if they don't outright know by now. You don't react the way I've reacted without something . . . deeper going on."

Raven sat in silence for a moment and Robin began to wonder if he had said the wrong thing.

"We were tense after the rescue," Raven sighed, her eyes glazing in memory again. "There was no helping it. It didn't take the others long to realize that we were something more between us before my attempted sacrifice. I was a mess. But, yes, we tried. We tried. But as I grew colder and he grew darker we destroyed what was left of us. And as I was attempting to put myself back together no one was helping Robin. We failed him over and over. We just hadn't realized it yet.

"When you were, what, infected? Contaminated? With whatever Slade had done to you when you were trapped in your own mind, Slade was your anchor, your focus. It was the one thing that drove you. What happened to Robin after he walked out on us was very similar, except I was his anchor, his focus, this time. His pursuit of me was relentless and obsessive. He would literally stop at nothing to get his hands on me and, in some ways, he's more dangerous than even my father for that.

"We had a bond after that episode with Slade," she touched his face as she talked, "I can still feel it with you, but it's . . . different." She lowered her hand and shook her head. "But I still have that bond with Nightwing. We're connected and I don't know how to sever it. And some part of me swears it can feel the old Robin sometimes. But I don't know if I can risk trying to save him knowing how dangerous he is. And I fear he has a way to find me, possibly the bond. Possibly something else . . . I fear that no place will ever be safe for me and that no one will be safe _with_ me. You're the first Titans, the first people in general, that we've contacted while being pursued and you've already been put in danger. I shouldn't be here, we shouldn't stay."

She rose from his bed and turned to go but a vice-like grip on her arm kept her from leaving. She looked to the ceiling and attempted to blink back tears that had formed in her eyes. That was one thing she did not miss about keeping her emotions in check. She found that crying was her least favorite emotional side effect.

"You can't run for the rest of your life," Robin said in a low voice that was almost a growl. "And I'll be _damned_ if I see you give in and in his clutches. For whatever reason you're here now and I don't intend to let you suffer. You have me in this fight whether you want me or not, Raven. I've been haunted by the day that I lost you and I will not lose another opportunity to save you. We will end this together, just please, don't go."

She turned to look at him, and unreadable expression on her face. He was so sure. His face showed his determination. She had no doubt that he could feel their bond as well and was sure that he'd follow her if she left. He _was_ like Nightwing in a lot of ways, after all. That's what terrified her so much.

She shifted her arm and he loosened his grip. She held his hand in hers.

"I don't want to lose you again, either. I am so lost. I don't know what to do."

Robin looked at the hand that held his. He lifted his face and looked into the eyes of a woman that was all at once the woman he had loved and a woman he didn't even know. Sorrow filled those eyes; sorrow for the man that had betrayed her and for the one that she might doom. Sorrow for the man who she lost and the one she had found. He couldn't blame her for feeling lost. He was lost himself.

He pulled her down beside him and stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers. For the first time since their reunion, his touch was met with no resistance. They sat in silence for countless moments just looking at one another, both trying to figure out what their next move was to be and both desperate to know what the other was thinking. Everything in Raven told her that she was better off moving on, that she should keep moving and eventually she'd find a way to outrun Nightwing. But part of her, a new and unfamiliar part still, wanted nothing more than to stay. To stay and find out what life could have been like without Robin plunged into darkness. But she could not allow herself to do that. How could she separate the two when they were so much the same?

"I hate him," Robin said finally. "I hate Nightwing more than I've ever hated anyone, and that includes Slade. And the only real difference between us was that he saved you."

Raven pulled her hand away from his and Robin stood abruptly and began to pace the room. He put pressure on his temples by pressing a thumb and middle finger of one hand against them, as if trying to alleviate a headache.

"He saved you, despite the consequences, only to lose you anyway. I let you sacrifice yourself and lost you only to have you return to me and turn away from Nightwing. I can't help but feel like I don't deserve to have you come back into my life. I didn't save you. Why should I be rewarded by having you here again?"

"You didn't 'save' me because you knew I was doing what had to be done. It was for the best. You did the right thing."

"I let you die! Tell me how that was the right thing!" Robin whipped around to face her, his anger at himself clearly visible on his face and she knew fire burned in his eyes behind his mask. His head was full of her story, full of facts and questions and doubts all jumbled about. He needed to sort out his thoughts but there was so much to process. "How is it fair that he should save you and be hated for it while I let you die and get your respect? This whole thing is so backward. And what happens if we save him? How will he live with what happened? Is it possible to save him before he destroys anything else? Or is he toying with you still? Is this whole thing a ploy?"

He fell dejectedly into a chair. He cradled his head in his hands and he heaved a great sigh. He shook his head.

"I just don't understand."

Raven rose gracefully from the bed and began walking toward him.

"Are you sure that you hate him or is it possible that you are feeling sorry for Nightwing? Are you going to be able to destroy him if you feel for him?

"I respect you, Robin, not because you let me die. I respect you because you cherished life so much that you understood the necessity for my sacrifice. One life in exchange for billions. Putting your feelings aside to realize that is the noblest thing I've ever heard of. Nightwing may have saved me out of caring but he condemned everyone to a slow death. I know my sacrifice was never guaranteed to work, but you saw how important it was for me to try. It was worth the risk on the chance that I would have succeeded."

Robin watched her as she slowly approached him.

"If I had to do it again . . . I don't know that I could let you die," he muttered. "I dream about it almost every night. And every time I do whatever it takes to save you. Is that wrong? Does that make me like him?"

"If it meant the world's salvation, you would do it the same. I _know_ you would. And I am glad that you see the importance of the greater good. I wouldn't have it any other way."

She stood by his side and laid a hand upon his shoulder, the first time she had initiated contact with him since she appeared in that alley. Although she had said her words with conviction, Robin wasn't sure that she really meant them. Hearing his near sympathy for Nightwing seemed to have made her wary.

"You should sleep, Robin, and so should I. We will have plenty of time to talk tomorrow . . . and the next day and the next."

"Then you're staying?" he asked hopefully, trying the read her expression.

She squeezed his shoulder reassuringly before nodding. He laid a hand on top of hers but she pulled away and walked toward the door.

"I still love you," he blurted out before he could stop himself. "But things can't go back to the way they were before that fight with Noctis, can they?" Robin asked desperately, rising from his chair, remembering how she had recoiled from him so many times.

Raven stopped before the door and drummed a finger on the door frame as she thought about what to say. She spoke without turning to him.

"I look at you and I still see him. Physically, your mannerisms, the way you talk, your drive and determination. I know you're not the same but . . . it still hurts. I don't know how to change that." She lowered her head as she opened the door. "I'm sorry. I can't tell you how I feel, Robin. _I_ don't even know how I feel."

The door closed behind her and Robin sank back into his chair. Would he be able to stop Nightwing knowing what he did and feeling the least bit sorry for him as he did for himself? Was he really capable of doing the things his counterpart had? Was there enough darkness in him to succumb in the same way Nightwing had? Was he so different? Did he _deserve_ her either way?

Robin leaned his head over the back of the chair and stared at the ceiling, his jaw clenched painfully. He hurled a birdarang at the light and felt hot tears as darkness engulfed the room.

O • O • O • O

Raven leaned against the wall of the hall outside Robin's door. She closed her eyes against the tears that threatened to gather.

_Telling him the truth was a mistake_, she thought. _He can't kill Nightwing if he doesn't feel he deserves to. He's so much like him . . . and so different. He makes me remember why I fell for him in the first place._

Raven turned to the door, reaching for the door's control panel.

_What am I doing? What would I say if I went back in there? He wants my heart. I can't give that._

She turned away and made her way back to the now empty common room, stopping before the giant window. She looked out over the expanse of the city, glistening as the rain continued to fall, and became lost in her thoughts. Without thinking about it she reached out with her mind to find the familiar thought patterns of Nightwing. Once she realized what she was doing she tried to convince herself that she was doing it to know that he was not near the tower, that he wasn't coming for her, but she realized that she wasn't. She wanted to know where he was. She wanted to feel near him. She was missing him.

_You truly are insane_! She berated herself. _He's evil. At least the part of him in control is. He kills without a thought . . . so why do I still feel that pull to him?_

She felt their bond thrum to life. He was near. Not close to the tower, but within city limits. He had found his way back quickly. She tried to suppress the bond, to sever it or at least dampen it so he might not find her but it remained strong. She had never been able to tell before when he was using it to find her. This felt different. It was calling to her. He was thinking about her too and his need of her was calling her to him. She pressed her palms against the sides of her head trying to deny the call. She'd been able to do it before. But she was so tired. She hadn't slept for more than an hour or so at a time in days. She couldn't remember the last time she had been able to successfully meditate.

The bond pulled at her and she sank to her knees in fatigue. Still the bond called. Come home.


End file.
